And that is because last Friday, our awesome, adorable Cookie turned 30! Which constitutes a milestone, and in my book, milestones are heralded in by making sure the celebrated party is completely divorced from any relationship she may have had with sobriety. The itinerary for this event included drinking things, eating occasionally, and then drinking more things. Oh, the singing, and despite the fact that I can't even in tune, something about copious amounts of wine makes me believe that, hark, I am an undiscovered songbird, and I must share my gift with the People. But before I could ask any follow-up questions about her condition, or to clarify just how, exactly, snot forces you to wreck a vehicle, my phone rang.
As for our favourite rivals, Burnside has the Laffs at 13th in the East.
No surprise there, except maybe that they aren't 15th. What's your favourite hockey video game of all time?
The surprise is the Sens coming in at 10th, after years of being the presumptive number one. As for the West, Wings, Sharks, Stars, Ducks, yada yada, whatever, same old same old zzzzzzzzzzz....
So, sweet internet, I'm sorry it's been a while since my last post, but we've been busy beavers over here. Consequently, Cookie's milestone was celebrated with a three day party at my parents' lake house. And so there I was, sitting at my desk and believing that Cookie was finally getting the medical attention she deserved, when one of the partners came into my office and said, "Cookie was just in a car accident! " Obviously, I was immediately concerned, and my head filled with images of Cookie sneezing and the windshield blowing out with the gale force of her projection, or possibly, strands of mucus actually leaving her nose and, proboscis-like, seizing the steering wheel and heading out for the open road.
And because I cannot share that particular humiliation with you, or offer you a cocktail, or a bite of my soon-to-be-famous Fettuccine Alfredo [which will kill you dead, DEAD in a bite because it contains three parts heavy cream to every one part pasta (shh)], instead I figured that we could all celebrate this milestone by me finally, FINALLY telling y'all the story of Cookie and the Geese. I can also add that we were staying in cabins in the woods. I feel comfortable making this pronouncement, because I Cookie. She was like a geyser of disease, and she clearly felt like walking fucking death.
I don't remember the month during which the retreat was held, but I tell you that the particular weekend of the outing contained Friday the Thirteenth. And mostly Cookie, even though her horror had to be secondary, because up in them thar hills, Cookie caught the most explosive, awful sinus infection that has ever been suffered by a human person at any time in the history of the world. And yet, this sinus infection made her into a scary, gooey creature, which caused her eyes to swell shut, and forced random fluids to leave her various orifices and go shooting across the room without provocation, in the manner of a mucus-based sprinkler system, and as a result, we all spent the better part of the weekend running the hell away from her.
The whole business began last year at our annual firm retreat. So there was a general sense of horror for everyone, but mostly me.
Sure, hot chicks and Sundin melodrama are all fun and good, but every now and then we guess we should write about hockey. So ESPN hockey writer Scott Burnside has gone nuts and already written the first Power Rankings for the season.
He's got the Habs in at number 2 in the East, and we can live with that. As much as we think the Pens have some talent, half the team is now in Tampa and their muscle now wears the CH.
He does warn TFS(tm) will have to prove the playoff meltdown was a one-time thing, but we think everyone kind of agrees with Carey's assesment he was tired. But MYFO does a much better job of explaining why that won't happen.
We would add that they recently signed coach Michel Therrien to a 3-year extension, and it's only a matter of time before he kills a ref or one of his own players, so they'll be in trouble there.