Dating a divorced man blog

Grief is a wound that needs attention in order to heal.To work through and complete grief means to face your feelings openly and honestly, however long it takes for the wound to heal.Grief is not just one dimensional, consisting only of sorrow.

Grief feelings may even be contradictory, such as love and hate.

Grief hurts, so you may be inclined to try to outsmart it by re-partnering prematurely.

A word of caution: running from your grief only delays the healing process.

It is impossible to simultaneously let go of one relationship and attach to another with any degree of success. By putting yourself under a microscope and looking at your responsibility in the collapse of your marriage, you can use divorce as a catalyst to reinvent and empower your SELF.

One of the scariest aspects of being a divorcee is the prospect of dating again. Your inclination, therefore, is to want to connect, and perhaps even rush into re-partnering. You should wait about a year before seriously dating anyone.

You are no longer a “we” with emotional ties, exclusive commitments and promises. Like it or not, there are three important tasks you must first accomplish before you are ready to successfully enter into another serious relationship. The Grieving Process Where there is attachment and loss, there is grief. But, the reality remains the same: you are afraid of being without a partner, you are lonely and in pain, and you feel like an outcast. In an ideal post-divorce world, the itch to re-partner would not arise until you are actually ready to deal with it.You know the adage — “Time heals all wounds.” Grieving is not a passive experience. Be radically honest by asking yourself the following types of questions: – Was I the partner I wanted to be?It is what you do with the time that will work to support or undermine your recovery. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you respond to it. – Did I turn to my spouse when I needed to depend on myself?– Did I believe it was my spouse, not me, who needed to change in order to have a better marriage? – Was I sensitive to my spouse’s needs or mostly concerned about my own? Develop strong boundaries and honor your partner’s need to do the same. Invest in your partner’s growth as you do your own. Learn how to stay simultaneously separated and connected. Develop good conflict resolution skills without forgetting that You and Me are always on the same team (We).

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