I was one of 13 children raised by our father and three mothers in a polygamist community in Utah.
We were fundamentalist Mormons who practiced the original teachings of Mormonism from its founder Joseph Smith.
If a woman does this faithfully, her husband may invite her to join him in the Celestial Kingdom.
A woman's eternal fate depends on keeping this Principle.
The Prophet is in charge of the Placement of young girls in marriage.
The quality of her Placement depends on her level of sweetness.
Knowing this, I tried very hard to live in obedience. My world fell apart when Uncle Roy died of health issues in 1986. Television cameras filmed me among the many mourners crying at his funeral. If you couldn't trust the Prophet, why bother to keep sweet?
At age 14, I began sewing my wedding dress in anticipation of my Placement. He was a feeble old man who prophesied he'd never die—that he'd become young again and be lifted up to heaven. I looked forward to that glorious day with hope and fear. However, I wasn't weeping over the death of Leroy Johnson.
I hoped I'd like my future husband, but I feared my fate would be like those who never knew love.
Outwardly, our family seemed content, but beneath the surface lay jealousy and pain.
We never acknowledged these feelings because we were supposed to sacrifice our emotions. We were constantly told to "keep sweet" and that "perfect obedience produces perfect faith." Behind these sugary slogans lay the impossible duty of living in complete obedience to the Prophet.
In Fundamental Latter Day Saints (FLDS), the Prophet is the earthly leader and mediator between God and man.
Women are on this earth to serve their husband and obey the Prophet.